Step by Step

IMG_0476I went on a date the other night that broke my heart a little. Though perfectly “fine”, nothing dramatic, no sparks, nothing unusual, there was no attraction (on my part), totally different lifestyles, and no reason, that I could see, to go out again. I found myself staring at the jeweled cufflink peaking out from underneath his expensive suit coat, wondering how they or he would ever fit into my life.

After drinking beer, eating fancy sausages, and chatting for a little over an hour, he walked me to my car and, after giving me a hug, said “I’m not a mind reader so if you want to go out again, please let me know. And if you don’t want to, that’s ok too.” I replied, lamely, “Ok, thank you.”

Sitting in my car, I watched him walk away until he disappeared around the corner and was consumed with a feeling of compassion. It is hard not to get pessimistic after so many dates in which either one or none of the people feel something worth pursuing and the idea that it is ever possible for both to feel something, at the same time, seems almost mythic.  I later texted  “Thank you, I don’t think are a match but I wish you the best in the dating world” text and let it be.

Something about the slope of his shoulders walking away from my car stuck with me; slouched and then, after a few steps a bit straighter until, by the end of the block, his head was high with chest out.  I could hear the little talk he gave himself, if it was anything like mine- “Just keep showing up. It’s all good. Don’t take it personally. Repeat.”

It can be exhausting to keep putting yourself out there; introductions, small talk, searching for similarities and attraction,  until I remind myself once again that it is all about the journey. There is no magical destination to reach. Yes, meeting someone so the dating can end would be great, but then there will be new hurdles to cross and  compromises to be made. So, why not enjoy the process, trusting that it really is perfect and that we are all right where we need to be? Exactly where we are.

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