Cosmic

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I’m sitting on top of a hill, looking down on Griffith Observatory and the crowds that have flocked to see 2017’s “American” Solar Eclipse. I hear cheering and see TV station’s satellite trucks lined up below and I’m wearing funny little glasses that make it too dark to see anything other than the disappearing sun. A time of new beginnings they say, they being astrologers and the like.

Thinking about endings and beginning and of the past year, I realize the man who may or many not have been the reason I moved to my new city, but who I haven’t seen once since that move, has finally become a memory instead of a torment.  Thoughts of him still cause a twinge, but they are rare as new love interests, work, and adventures keep them at bay.

“You have Venus sitting directly over Southern California,” my astrologer told me, years ago.  “Anything related to love, art, beauty should go especially well for you there.” Is that why I keep attracting men from there, I had wondered? Aforementioned man was number three and all were men who started out as fun flings and eventually turned into long distance relationships, affairs, and “should have been left as a fling” self induced torture.  This Venus thing didn’t seem to be going especially well.

And then it dawned on me, the proverbial lightening bolt from on high- “Why don’t you just move yourself to LA instead of waiting to be picked up and moved by someone else?” Was I passively attracting these men in the hopes they would give me a reason to move, expand, push myself, explore? What if Venus was sitting there, just waiting to shower me with love and creativity, beauty and art, once I committed to leaving my safety zone and to myself?

Sitting on this hill, watching the eclipse, I am keenly aware of how much I have grown and let go of in the past year. The drama, torment, insecurities, and doubt that frequented my relationships seem like memories. Not that I have figured it all out, but my tolerance for feeling bad about myself or responsible for others un/happiness has been eclipsed (sorry, had to do it!) by a new desire to thrive, love myself fully, and embrace all that Venus has to offer.

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One thought on “Cosmic

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