The grass is always greener! I am currently working with a mostly-happily married bunch of coworkers who have become intrigued with my single hood and dating life, which frequently leads to conversations that go something like this-
“I’ve been on OKCupid for four months and still haven’t gotten through their entire list of questions.”
“Once you’re married you know, it’s great, but it’s the same pizza every night.”
“It’s torture, you’re always just getting to know people, small talk, everyone in their best light, never real.”
“My husband just wants to watch TV and I still want to go out.”
“He broke up with me through a text.”
“Enjoy it while you can, because you will meet someone and then you’ll look back on being able to do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted, with a longing you can’t even begin to imagine right now.”
And yet, I know it is true. But, when it comes to this one area of my life, dating, I repeatedly let the end goal of just wanting to be settled supersede the journey, when the journey really is what it’s all about, always. By rushing through the discomfort of awkward first conversations and kisses, I am also discounting the excitement of butterflies and early attraction and of slowly getting to discover each other, all so I can be comfortable and share a bathroom and takeout Chinese with someone? Why?
I had one coffee date this morning, have a happy hour date later today, and another at an event tomorrow evening. I get to wear all of the cute clothing in my closet that used to just hang there for months at a time, try out new neighborhood bars and cafes, go to museums, commiserate with men who tend to be just as horrified by online dating as the women I know, and periodically meet someone with potential who I want to see again. Though bizarre and tiring, it is definitely not boring. A friend used to tell me that all suffering is simply a denial of what is and dating is definitely a part of my life right now, so why not embrace it instead of wishing it were somehow different?
And the truth is that if it’s not the hardships of dating, then it’s those of long term relationships or having babies or teenagers or of being an empty nester, on and on and on. Because it’s life, there will always be something that is difficult or boring and at that point it is up to us whether we wish away our lives, never satisfied with what is, or water our own grass to keep it nice and green, wherever we happen to be.
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